Definitive Proof that God Exists
From Mirror Reversal, it was fun to read the responses from readers who took the following seriously. You'll enjoy this one, believers and non-. The misspellings and malapropisms are intentional.
Wayne pulled his chair around to face Josh. “Gimme that ole time religion, right Josh” sang Wayne, with a forced smile. “He can keep all that evolution garbage. I mean…” he paused to think of a good rubric to help explain things to his less educated employee. “Let’s say you’re walking in the middle of the Arizona Desert. You’re just walking along daydreamin’, and all of a sudden you come across this elegant, diamond-studded wristwatch – one of those Malvados or Carters. So you pick it up and look at it. Inspect it, sort of… It’s pretty evident that it didn’t get there by itself, right? I mean… the sand and rocks couldn’t just conglomerate and form this beautiful object dart all by itself. Somebody had to put it there. Somebody had to make the fuckin’ thing, right? It’s the same way with human beans. There has to be a Great Designer.”
He smiled again, this time pleased with the eloquence of his argumentation. He thought of another example, a better one to explain to Josh, because it dealt with the birds and the bees.
“Or take sex. Here’s another good example: Let’s say you meet this chick. And you really dig ‘er. And you fall in love with the bitch. So you decide to get married and have a family, like the Good Book says you should. So you stick your dick in, and it feels real good in there, right? And you wiggle it all about in there. And the more you wiggle it, the better it feels. And then… nine months later a baby plops out! I mean… what more proof d’ya need there’s a God. That’s literally a fuckin’ miracle!”.
Josh nodded in complete agreement. Rev. Passwater couldn’t have explained it better.
So c'mon everybody, dig into your pockets and help out those eight tiny miracles in California. Remember the more voices lifted in prayer, the more pleasing it is to the Lord.